Tuesday, June 17, 2008

"One day I'll introduce myself and you'll see you've not yet met me"

It's no secret I love Alanis Morissette but did you know she came out with a new album? Flavors of Entanglement. Jeff gave it to me yesterday for our anniversary and I already love it! She always has a lot of interesting things to say. One her website she wrote about this album: "songs written for me to get it all out so I don't get sick... to distill, clarify, flesh-out, catapult". This blog is so I don't get sick :) One song called "Straitjacket" is totally how I feel right now, disclaimer: she does swear. The song talks about how people don't see you as you really are and they talk in circles so much you go crazy.

"Something so benign from me construed as cruelty
Such a difference between who I am and who you see"

I'm totally dealing with this. The person/people who are supposed to care for me the most can be/have been the most judgmental. I don't want to be a burden on people I just don't know how to exist as anything other than who I am.

"Your way's making me mental
How you filter as skewed interpret
I swear you won't be happy 'til
I'm bound in a straitjacket"

Over the past few days I've been contemplating how much in this life I've had to figure out on my own with very little supportive influences. It's a little overwhelming when I think about it. Everyone sees the world through their own filter so it may just be my perspective but as a wise woman once taught me about parenting "the reality of the situation doesn't matter as much as how they see it" (they refers to my child but it applies to adults too). It wasn't until adulthood that I found an ally in my sister and I have found her love and support crucial. She's my rock :) Hey Amber, remember when we scalped tickets to see Alanis in 1996 because it was sold out? When we saw her in Idaho, circa 1999, and Garbage opened for her was the greatest concert ever!

5 comments:

Jocie said...

Autumn, I am totally with you there. I need to figure things out just for me and I need people a TON. I am glad I have so many people that I can lean on though.

Sommer said...

OK, who let you in my head? The people who are the closest to me, a lot of times, really do not know me at all. And boy are they judgemental! I'd like to see myself as a good mom, but I never thought I would be forced to stand up for my decisions concerning Wyatt so much in my life! You are not alone Autumn!

Janae' said...

Autumn-

Huh? I'm so shallow...I tried to figure out what those lyrics meant but then I got distracted by the chef's on Hell's Kitchen and forgot to concentrate..haha Maybe someday I should turn off the TV and ponder stuff....................nah then I might start saying really deep intraspective things and then people would start to judge....
Back to the boob tube for me!

Don't listen to anything anyone says unless it goes something like..."your the best" or I wish I could be a great mom like you" or "your husbands Aunt (his favorite one hint hint) thinks you are perfect just the way you are!"

XOXO
jlr

Bobbi Leavitt said...

autumn. you inspired me to wear a swimsuit without shorts. If people dont like what they see, close your eyes. Thats what I say.

I am Keri. said...

So when I post about being judged I get a blog intervention. When you post about it you get people telling you you're awesome. What's up with that? (I mean, yeah you are, but that's besides the point!) I'm linking to this post specifically to illustrate a point. Thanks!