Sunday, September 12, 2010

It felt like kind of a rough week.

It was a bunch of little things that added up and by Friday night I felt pretty crummy. I don't always want to put things like this on my blog for the world to read but I do want my children to remember our "real" life.

I feel like in the past I have done pretty well keeping things in perspective. But around the time Grayson started developing asthma symptoms I started to feel continuously stressed. It wasn't just the asthma, there were several things on my mind. And then I started feeling that ache. For me "the ache" translates into wanting to feel accomplished at something. The things I do everyday are NEVER finished. And even if I do a good job there's nobody there to appreciate it...or even acknowledge it. Not to mention the fact that my best laid plans were complete disasters and I felt like a horrible, irresponsible mother. And it's all so alienating. My everyday concerns are not normal so it can be a lonely, lonely path. I had completely lost the will to "encourage" my family to eat healthy anyways, and it was completely obvious to me. Poor, poor Grayson.

But really, I'm fine. I'm just so used to being better than fine. I KNOW everyone experiences this, I just need time to work it out and do better so I can feel like my normal self again. My normal, crazy, loud, spaztic self :) Happy Sunday!

Mosiah 4:27
And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.


Jana said...

I remember how strongly I felt that ache about a year after graduating and being a full-time mom. It took awhile to put a finger on why I would miss going to school. I was GOOD at school, and RECOGNIZED for being good at it. I accomplished things on a regular basis, was graded and evaluated on what I did. But as a just do it, and keep doing it, and it's never done. And very seldom do you get recognition. But if we pay attention we can have those sweet moments...and then we're energized and can keep going. I think it's a good idea to put this type of thing on your blog once in awhile! Just keepin' it real...

Autumn said...

Thanks Jana! You get me. I remember when my Jeff started graduate school I was like, "but I did BETTER than you and I have to stop and you get to keep going!?" It was depressing. If only us SAHMs were able to get some kind of progress report to hang on our refrigerator :)

PS I would go back to college in a heartbeat!

Jocie said...

I so felt like this yesterday. I even thought of calling you. I should have listened. I just wanted some encouragement. Like everything I do isn't failing.

Stacy said...

I love this post! I love when people blog about not just the good, but the bad and the ugly too. Then we realize that we aren't the only ones.

P.S. Thanks for the comments on my new blog! I drilled a hole in the back of the wood and hung the with a nail. But I also used sticky putty to keep them straight.